My Monday Morning Magic Mushroom Adventure

For a lot of people, Monday morning is the beginning of another workweek. I decided that today was a good day to start microdosing my new home-grown magic mushrooms.

I’ve tried microdosing before, so I knew what I was getting myself into. The trick is to find the right dose; if it’s too small, there is no effect, but if you take too much, well, anything can happen. I decided to play it safe and make sure that my dose wasn’t too small, but definitely not too big either.

My day always begins with a visit to the gym, and today I had to make a small stop at Feuvert and change my Dutch license plates for Portuguese. As I was driving to Feuvert, I started to feel the effects of the mushroom slowly entering my body. Not  the “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas” experience, but I could feel its presence. As I entered the store and gave the person behind the counter my documents for the license plate, I felt the power of the mushroom kick in, and I knew right away I was in trouble. It usually takes about 15 minutes to have the plates made and attached to the car, but I knew that waiting or even driving was no longer an option. I had to get out of there, and fast! Reality started to change, and I could feel a slice of paranoia mixed with a dash of fear entering my consciousness. I gave the employee the keys to my car and told him I would be back in two hours.

As I walked outside, I was going over my options. Option 1 was to go for a long walk and just walk the effects off. Option 2 was the more adventurous path: go to the gym and experience what it would be like to have a workout under these conditions. Some options only come along once in a lifetime, so I decided to discover what’s behind door number 2.

Luckily, I brought my earbuds, and with my Magic Mushroom playlist on, I entered the gym and made my way to the lockers. As I was changing into my outfit, there was this semi-retarded fat kid standing next to me, wearing a Speedo, and just below his 3 inch butt crack, which he seemed to be very proud of since he was flashing it in front of my face, I could see the words on the Speedo “Hot Pepper”. “Well, there’s no shortage of courage for this kid,” I thought to myself.

As I entered the workout area, I could feel the mushroom really kick in, and I knew that weight training was definitely not an option, so I decided to go for rowing. As I sat down and looked in front of me, there was a woman wearing a t-shirt that said “Life Is Amusing,” and that immediately changed my experience. As I started rowing and looking around, my perception of reality started to change, and as I crossed the threshold, leaving paranoia and fear behind me, I started to see people for what they really were: beautiful! Old, young, fat, skinny, buffed—it didn’t really matter because the only thing I saw was the beauty of their soul. It’s also interesting to see so many women dressed in workout gear that looked like it was purchased at Victoria’s Secret, but that’s a whole different story, and I’ll save that for another time.

After 30 minutes of rowing and the mushroom still doing his magic, I decided to change my scenery and try my luck at the exercise bikes. I switched to my house music playlist on Spotify, and the first thing I heard was:

Hey, I heard you are a wild one.
If I took you home, it’d be a home run.
Show me how you do

And that’s when I unleashed the Mustangs from my stable and whipped them Ben-Hur style. It felt like I tapped into a secret source of energy, and off I went, like a maniac with a butcher knife being chased by a herd of hungry zombies. The magic blend of the mushroom, music, and endorphins created an energy that I hadn’t experienced in a long, long time. After 30 minutes of giving it my all, I decided to look for a mop so I could clean the puddle of sweat under my bike.

I was soaking wet and thought I was done, but apparently there was still some juice left in the tank, and I ended my workout session with another 30 minutes on the Arc Trainer. After a long, cold shower, I could feel the effects of the mushroom slowly leaving my body. As I walked back to Feuvert to pick up my car, I was going over my highly entertaining and very effective workout, trying to distill some wisdom, if any. The only three I came up with are:

Life is amusing if you decide that’s how you’re going to look at it.
The amount of effort you put into something determines the quality of the experience.
Microdosing can be an amazing pre workout energizer.

All jokes aside, this is not how microdosing should be experienced. The next dose is definitely going to be much smaller, but hopefully just as entertaining.